Capy Diablog: A Perfect World

Hi Dobbye,

 

Did you see me and Melly on My Crazy Obsession? On that show, Melly said she wanted me to sleep in bed with her. Here’s what I think, if she wants me to sleep with her, she needs to sleep on the floor with me! I’m willing to let her put her mattress on the floor. In fact, I don’t know why it’s not on the floor already. I don’t think I am being unreasonable, I read on a blog somewhere that the thoughtful human would be happy to do that for their capybara.

2013_03_31_02_sGariMelly

This would be very cozy!

What do you think? Does Melly not love me?

 

Garibaldi Caplin Rous, most reasonable of capybaras.

 

Gari,

 

I just don’t like sleeping inside any more, no matter how cold it is outside.

I used to sleep right next to Stacy’s bed. I ate her bed ruffle so she put barricades there.

I used to sleep right next to Stacy’s bed. I ate her bed ruffle so she put barricades there.

I think Stacy and Dick should come out and sleep with me. When I first moved outside, they did sleep with me, but I like to urinate in my bedding. Also, that’s where I do my morning poop eating, which can get a little bit untidy. I was hoping they would reconsider and asked so nicely and promised to only pee and poop on my side of the bed, but they still didn’t seem too interested. I think it is just too cold out here for them. I’m sure when the weather is nice they’ll start sleeping out here in my bed!

 

My bed outside is very nice but there seem to be holes in all of the blankets.

 

One fun thing they have started doing is using my bathroom outside! I read somewhere that we should all defecate together in order to strengthen our bond, and I agree that families that poop together stay together! I think that all capybara owners should build an outdoor family bathroom to make their capybaras feel at home. I have a very nice bathroom out in the back yard. When is Melly going to build one for you, Gari? 

 

No capybara in the world has a finer throne room than me.

No capybara in the world has a finer throne room than me.

Prince Dobalob, the most regal of capybaras

 

 

Prince Dobalob,

 

I am really not sure that you should have the title, “most regal of capybaras.” I am pretty regal too, you know.

 

Anyway, as for alimentary habits, I agree that it is best if humans and capybaras use the same facilities. I use a water bowl in the bathroom but Melly and Rick use the toilet. I feel this drives a wedge between us. I think we should all use the same water bowl. Rick is disabled so it would probably be hard for him to squat down and poop in it, but being male like I am, he could easily pee in it standing up. It might splash a little but Melly can clean that up. Melly, on the other hand, has absolutely no excuse for not using the water bowl for all of her urination and defecation activities!

Unlike Dobby, Gari doesn't get in trouble for pooping in the house!

Unlike Dobby, Gari doesn’t get in trouble for pooping in the house!

Here’s another thing that is bothering me and I know it is a topic dear to your heart: swimming pools. You and I have very similar pools now and they are okay but couldn’t they be a whole lot better? I know that some pet capybaras have what are called built-in or in-ground pools and these are much larger and better for swimming. I would like a swimming pool that is at least Olympic sized (I don’t know how big that is but it sounds good). And it needs to be fifteen feet deep in the middle and slope up all around so I can get out anywhere I want. And I want the water heated during the winter and cooled during the summer (my pool sometimes feels more like a hot tub as it is). This is not too much to ask. It might be expensive but Melly could cover it using her retirement money.

This would be an elegant solution.

This would be an elegant solution.

 

Gari Goodcapy

 

 

Goodcapy Gari,

 

I completely agree with you about the swimming pool. Personally, I could use something permanent around here. They come and go with the wind, for no apparent reason.

I was not sorry to see Pool #5 take flight, though it is still sullying the back yard with its malingering presence.

I was not sorry to see Pool #5 take flight, though it is still sullying the back yard with its malingering presence.

I require a heated pool year round, and I need shallow pools of varied depth at the edge for basking. It needs to be deep enough for diving while having a large enough area devoted to aquatic vegetation production to be sustainable, no matter how much of it I eat. A waterfall would be nice, and I want fresh lemons daily. The jets need to be redesigned, too. Those little outlets are nearly impossible to adjust with paws.

Frozen swimming pools are totally unacceptable.

Frozen swimming pools are totally unacceptable.

 

Sleeping and pooping together is important, but don’t you agree that a capybara-centered family should eat together? I think we both have mastered the grazing aspect of eating. Melly cuts your grass, right? Stacy is always cutting me roses and bamboo, and she even pulls up grass clumps for me, and that counts as grazing together, at least by my definition. The biggest change here is that I get to sit at the dinner table with the family, now! I like the corn and salads best, but the mashed potatoes are good, too. Candied yams are yummy, but only if those little marshmallows are on top. Apple pie and strawberry milkshakes are a real treat! Do you get to sit at the table?

 

Shoelaces for dinner with carpet fringe for dessert.

Shoelaces for dinner with carpet fringe for dessert.

 

Dibbity Dobbity Doodlebug (Dobbye)

 

 

Dobbyeball,

 

You are a genius! Of course we should be eating with our humans!

 

Baby Dobbye is saying his prayers before dinner. It is never too early to teach a capybara good manners.

Baby Dobbye is saying his prayers before dinner. It is never too early to teach a capybara good manners.

While Melly does cut the grass for me, this is not the same thing as cutting the bread, or whatever the human expression is. Melly needs to EAT the grass with me. Sure, sometimes she uses my lettuce to make a salad, but she doesn’t do it right. Firstly, she uses a fork to eat and that is just crazy. Clearly these capy paws are never going to hold a fork (and don’t even start me on chopsticks!) so Melly needs to learn to eat directly from the bowl. And ON THE GROUND! I am certainly not going to eat sitting at some stupid table. Lying down in the grass, on one of my dog beds or straight on the floor with maybe a little rug is good enough for me so it is good enough for my humans! Okay, I guess I’ll have to give my Rick another waiver due to his disability and because I love him best, but Melly better get down on the ground and eat straight lettuce and grass with NO DRESSING!

Mealtimes are an ideal time to bond with your family.

Mealtimes are an ideal time to bond with your family.

Another issue I have is with cars. I don’t like them. I don’t want to go in them and I don’t want my humans to go in them. I want the three of us to stay at home together forever. I believe this will make us all happier. Melly always says how she hates to leave me when she goes to work. Well, she should just STOP DOING THAT! I think that she can order everything we need using her computer and the internet.

Gari gets a bit anxious in the car.

Gari gets a bit anxious in the car.

Gari the Homebara

 

Homebara,

I agree that it is a constant struggle to keep Stacy home all day long, even though she quit her job. Sometimes she is home, but not in the backyard playing with me! It is so frustrating! The worst of it is when she actually gets in her car and DRIVES AWAY! So far she has always returned, but you never know. I think I am going to get a car so that I can follow her everywhere. I’m going to get a convertible, because I really don’t like being indoors much, and having the windows open just doesn’t help that much. Plus, I will be able to go to drive-thrus to get milkshakes and fries! Maybe I’ll even drive to Texas for a visit!

 

Most of the photos are just a blur. I stopped long enough so that Stacy could get this shot.

BoxsterBara

BoxsterBara

 

Dobbye “Mario Andretti” Winnick

 

 

Dobbye “Mario Andretti” Winnick,

 

I bow my little capy head to you. You are most brave and daring! I shall await your arrival. I hope you come in the summer so we can spend long hours in the pool lamenting our station in life and our poor excuses for human caretakers. I have never had a milkshake or fries but I bet they are delicious pool treats.

Yes, I DO want fries with that!

Yes, I DO want fries with that!

Anxiously anticipating our meeting!

 

Your humble capybara admirer, Garibaldi the Fearful

[originally published April 1, 2013]

 

 

 

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