Are capybaras funnier lately, or should I make us both another Caipirinha? Today I offer silly games, bathroom humor, and another hilarious entry from my new favorite capybara spoof website, CapybaraTips.
There’s plenty of funny capybara stuff out there. I love seeing these capybaras grinning at me from Brazilian beer bottles. It has to be good stuff, right? Beer has nothing on poop, though. This stunning set of photos came up on my capybara Google Alert recently. Caught me off guard, I must say. There has to be a limited audience for these photos! Limited to me, I suppose. Who else had this show up via the google algorithm? Anyone? These are available- free, can you believe it?- from Shutterstock.
Then there’s this game that showed up recently. Goofy as heck, but because it’s free, I downloaded it and then became slightly addicted. Maybe not the most sophisticated game out there, but definitely good enough to keep you occupied while you wait in the parking lot for your cat to get called in for its veterinarian appointment. Lots of ads until you figure out how to steer your capys past all the obstacles.
Here’s a video that shows how the game looks if you aren’t a klutz like me. I never got far enough to earn any fancy outfits.
Here’s that poop again. I knew you’d want to see more of it.
I can always count on CapybaraTips for more hilarity. This article on how to give your capybara a bath is the funniest yet! It’s becoming clear this writer has never seen a capybara, and certainly has never touched one. Didn’t they ever wonder why capybaras are commonly referred to as “Coconut Doggies?” It’s because their skin and fur feel more like a coconut than dog fur. They obviously plagiarized a dog washing article, maybe two. It rambles and is repetitive but there are some gems hidden in the journey.
For newcomers to capybara care, these are semi-aquatic animals. This is like giving your goldfish a bubble bath. Plus, capybara fur is sparse and thick, like pig or elephant hair. They have leather, not skin, and googling capybara will get you more results of gloves and purses than pets. Here’s the link to the article. I’ll steal a few gems for you- the site has so many ads it’s hard to follow the article. Remember that this “copypasta” BS is a source of income for the writer, so be sure to leave nice comments.
The only photo in the CapybaraTips article is of a capybara in an onsen at a Japanese Zoo. She should have stolen my Dobby bathtub photo, it’s all over the internet. Here are some quotes, if you’re too scared to click on the link to this ridiculous website:
” . . . if you wash your capybara too often or with products that aren’t designed for their delicate fur, it could cause serious problems for your pet.” [Use Ask Dobby to request a fur sample, see below.]
“The first step is to use a hose to spray the capybara with water while you hold it in your arms.” [I don’t recommend this.]
“The first step to bathing your capybara is to wet it with warm water.” [lotta first steps]
“Use a shampoo formulated for capybaras, and make sure it’s a gentle one.” [gentle shampoo or capybara?]
” . . . rinse well and blow-dry with a warm towel . . .” [my blow dryer doesn’t have a “warm towel” attachment, does yours?]
“The capybara will likely be quite pleased that you’ve taken the time to bathe him and may be in a very good mood by this point.” [hah, good one!]
“Use your hands or a soft-bristled brush (like an old toothbrush) to apply the conditioner into the fur, making sure not to miss any spots or get anything anywhere near his eyes or mouth (they’re pretty mean when they bite).” [no sh*t, Sherlock!]
“You should bathe your capybara at least once a month. If you have more than one capybara, they will want to bathe together.” [That’s a big bathtub! Dobby is about 6 months old in my bathtub photo.]
“This is also an opportunity to trim their nails, brush their teeth, give them a haircut if needed (only for short-haired breeds) . . .” [I want to hear more about the short-haired capybaras that need haircuts.]
“It’s best to bathe your capybara only when absolutely necessary . . .” [Some confusion here.]
“Caring for an animal with fur as thick and luxurious as the capybaras require special products! . . . try looking online for shampoos made specifically for capybaras . . .” [Okay!]
“They will groom themselves using a rough tongue . . .” [Dobby didn’t get this memo, or this tongue.]
“Bathing your capybara at home may be cheaper than going to a specialty pet groomer . . .” [If you decide to take your capybara down to Petco for grooming, alert the local news so they can get a video of it for you. You’ll be famous, and if nobody gets hurt it will be a miracle!]
Okay, those are the highlights of the article. If you have never petted a capybara, and clearly this writer has never even seen one, I will send you a few genuine Dobby the Capybara hairs to examine. Use Ask Dobby to request my address and then snail-mail me a self addressed stamped envelope and I’ll find a dozen or so hairs short enough to fit in the return envelope. Trust me, it’s not like any dog or cat hair you have ever seen.